It's been 3 years...

Today marks 3 years since the end of Lyndsie’s hard fought battle with cancer.

I wish I could say that the hours leading up to our goodbye were peaceful but it was by far the most traumatic hours of my life. That quiet night became filled with the most overwhelming moments I’ve ever experienced and I along with some amazing people, fought with everything we had for Lyndsie’s life. But by the end of that night I found myself whispering the goodbye that I never planned on saying to the only girl I had ever loved. And even though it was the worst moment in my life, it was also the most faith-confirming moment. The only way I can describe what happened in that ER room as the sounds coming from the monitors so bluntly announced that Lyndsie’s bravely fought battle had come to an end, is Lyndsie did go to Heaven, but the reality is, Heaven came down and met her in that room - leaving my soul with a glimpse of glory that I’ll never forget.

That moment wrecked me. I had lost the person I cared about most and everything about that reality was immediately suffocating. But I couldn’t get over what I had encountered in that moment and it has been a constant reminder of God’s overwhelming comfort, even now.

So does it mean that you won’t experience the comfort of God until you are at your worst moment and completely wrecked? No. God can bring comfort to a weary soul at any given moment in both subtle and obvious ways. But what it does mean is that you can be confident that when you are struggling, God truly is close to the broken-hearted. He is the only one that can bring comfort to your soul when nothing around you makes sense. You can trust Him with your heart and your life if only you are willing to get past the why’s and start asking God what...what do you want me to do with this pain and what can I do so this hurt is not wasted? If you ask, He will answer.

I miss Lyndsie and I am forever impacted by her beautiful life. Her death rattled me to the core and I still have questions. She walked through her suffering so well and I honor her life today and everyday by loving and raising her two greatest treasures and by living in a way that reflects the same Heavenly light that is shining on her face.