I remember so clearly the moment I saw you for the first time. The way you smiled at me with your hazel eyes and nervously brushed your blonde hair off of your eyelashes. I knew you were the one right then and I could tell by the way you were looking back at me that you knew it too. That entire date felt as if each moment with you was the only one that mattered. You literally took my breath away.
But there was a catch…you loved another man. You didn’t hide it from me or feel bad about it at all. If anything, he became a regular part of our conversations and I wanted to know more about the man that had captured your heart. At the same time that I was crushing hard on you, I was open about the fact that I loved another woman. Neither one of us had ever been in that place of loving two people at the same time, but deep down, we knew it was ok to feel that way and there was no shame in our feelings.
You entered your season of gut-wrenching grief at almost the same time as I did when our spouses, who we had chosen for life, said goodbye to this world and went home to Heaven. We both felt the suffocating weight of losing the one person we loved and depended on more than anyone else, and we both understood what it felt like to trust God even when we didn’t understand. You have honored him so well in the way you have shared Jesus and in the way you have chosen to make your purpose outweigh your pain by pointing others to the hope of Heaven more than the grief of the grave.
I knew from the start that you would always love him and I was ok with that because loving him has helped you become the woman I love today.
I know this month has been so hard on you as you prepare your heart for the two year mark since you last heard his voice. I want you to know that it's ok to miss him and to grieve for yourself and for the kids. What you have been through doesn't scare me away...it makes me love you more. Trust me, I get your hurt and you need to know that you won't have to go through any more of these milestones alone. I’ll be right here with you to hold you and feel the pain with you. The tears that used to fall on your pillow will fall on my shoulder from now on.
I'm so sorry that you know the sting of death but I'm so thankful and inspired that you know the hope of Heaven. You are a gift that I wasn't brave enough to pray for and a love that I'll never deserve. You have made me feel so loved and cherished, even on the most stressful days that come with blending families and I have never had to wonder how you feel about me. Thank you for loving me and helping me heal. I can't wait to see what our future holds.
I'll never stop loving you,